I have no doubt in my mind that is a statement that will make a lot of people upset. I am also not for one second trying to say that anyone who works what we tend to call a “real job” doesn’t have very real, very valid struggles at their job. My husband works his ass off at two jobs to support his family and he does not have simple or easy days. 

Allow me try and paint a picture for you. Now, I have a 12 month old, so I am only speaking from experience with babies, but I have to assume that things don’t get simpler with multiples and toddlers.

Let’s start with your boss. She does not speak the same language as you, and there does not exist an app that can translate for you what she wants, and there is no way for you to explain to her that you are there to make her life better. You’ve been working with this boss for a little while, so you can make a few educated guesses about what they’re saying, but they’re only that, guesses. The closest thing you get to her speaking your language is when you turn in a tough project, one that you’re really proud of and certain she’s going to love, and she looks you dead in the eyes and throws it on the ground.

The boss also needs constant stimulation and attention, and if you let yourself get distracted for even one moment, she’ll start screaming at you in a foreign language, giving you no specifics as to why she’s upset. Oh, and there’s a chance that if you stop giving her your full and complete attention she could actually die. Everything in your workspace looks delicious so it must be tasted, and even though you have done your absolute best to get rid of or hide all the tiny or dangerous items, your boss is the boss for a reason. She can find anything! She’s also been in training to become and Olympic free climber her entire life, so just because she’s only two feet tall does not mean you don’t need to look up when trying to find her.

All of this means no bathroom breaks, no lunch breaks, no state mandated 15 minutes off the clock. From the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep, and then some, you’re on the clock!

If your boss bites you, kicks you, punches you, or throws a block at you, do a small celebration because you have grounds for a very open and shut lawsuit. If my boss does anything, chances are high it’s just another day that ends in Y, and time for me to work on a new teaching plan. 

You also have a side gig as a personal chef! Every day you get the opportunity to create three unique and nutritious meals for your boss to enjoy. Be sure to limit the sodium and sugar amounts but make sure the meal is something delicious that they will enjoy! If she hates it, you get to spend some time at your other job, house keeper, and clean it up off the floor. 

Speaking of your house keeper gig, since you put the majority of your hours in at the home office the shareholders as well as most of the general public will assume you will be taking your maid duties very seriously, while not slacking on your caregiving job for even a moment. Even though the boss can’t be left unattended for more than a minute, keep the office floors clean, wash and put away the laundry, keep the kitchen fully stocked and in tip top shape, keep track of any and all home repairs all while keeping track of the tight budget you manage for the business. And heaven help you if you have any animals around the office. When the boss needs you the most, so will the animals.

On the days you’re struggling the most, when you’re least sure how much more you can take, and you go run an errand for the boss, strangers at the store will be all too eager to tell you how awful of a job you’re doing. Without the help of these kind and giving strangers you’d likely never know if you dressed them too warmly or not warmly enough, that the boss is too fat or too skinny, or that them holding phone or tablet is bad for their development. If it weren’t for these strangers you would be at far too high a risk of feeling like you’re doing well at your job and , as they’ll be sure to remind you, you should be grateful for their advice. 

The pay is way below minimum wage. So low, in fact, you will be spending money on the boss almost daily while she will pay you nothing! Sick days and vacation time are a complete non starter, you’re on call 24/7, though if you’re one of the lucky ones you do get a few hours of help a week from someone. While you will have to train them, the boss will still prefer you be there and do her best to save all weird and unusual requests for him, so that while you’re trying to enjoy your first 10 minute break in a week he’ll have no choice but to call you and ask how to proceed, or risk making your job 10 times harder when you return.

Why put up with this? What insane masochist would keep showing up to a job like this day in and day out? What I forgot to mention is that the boss is someone you love more than anything in the whole world. You’d lay down your life for the boss without giving it even a moment’s thought. You will willingly sacrifice yourself to your boss because of how much you love her, but that doesn’t make it any easier to see your old self disappear right before your very eyes. 

And all of that doesn’t even factor and n the fact that you’re first two years on the job you’ll be recovering from the biggest hormonal shift a human can experience, plus a change in gray matter in your brain making it very difficult for you to process new information or even remember you eaten yet today.

So yes, I think being a stay at home mom is harder than your job.